Bitcoin didn’t just swing—it did a backflip like it was on caffeine and existential dread. ETH? More like an overworked yoga instructor trying to meditate through $2,500 while Powell’s Fed sips tea from a broken spigot labeled ‘liquidity’. Meanwhile, retail traders are still holding their breath… waiting for clarity. Pro tip: If you’re trading this market, pack extra antacids. And yes—the algorithm failed its own plot. What even is the point? 👀